Anniversaries and Birthdays

I was surprised how much death anniversaries and birthdays impacted me.

I grew used to the ache of grieving my dad so I anticipated the same level of pain on days which seem, to everyone else, like just another day. But September 30th comes and I just remember what my dad must have been feeling on that same day, years ago. December 17th comes and I think how we might be celebrating together if he was still here. Anniversaries and birthdays are hard because they open the door to thinking more about losing my dad and I tend to fall into the familiar misery of grief.

Five years later, I have learned to create space for that grief and to honor it. Instead of forcing myself to go to work on these difficult days and suffer through the thoughts at the front of my mind, instead of pretending to be okay, I now take off on my parent’s birthdays and death anniversaries. To avoid falling apart at work, but also to set aside dedicated time to visit the cemetery, write letters to them, and reflect on my time with and without them. Grief is not the same as depression from loss. Grief is the result of love having nowhere to go. So, creating space for this love helps.