Grief in History: Mourning in the Victorian Era

Looking at how people mourned in the past can reveal a lot about how we grieve today. The gap between what was once expected after a loss and what is considered acceptable now is striking.

In the Victorian era, grief was not only accepted — it was expected. During a time when infant mortality was high and doctors were unable to prevent the spread of disease, mourning became both a frequent and public affair. Queen Victoria mourned Prince Albert for forty years, setting a cultural tone that validated deep, prolonged grief. Her example told the nation that if the queen could linger in her loss, why couldn’t her subjects?

Mourning dress was an important Victorian tradition, with rules that varied by age and gender. Expectations for men were more relaxed, while women — especially widows — were expected to wear mourning attire for up to two years, a clear double standard. Mementos of the deceased were lovingly crafted into jewelry, framed for display, or carried close to the heart. Locks of hair might be woven into intricate designs, turned into rings, brooches, or even delicate works of art.

Victorians also placed great importance on a person’s last words, believing they might carry life’s ultimate truths — a final message from someone standing at the threshold between this world and the next.

I find it heartwarming that the Victorians created such intentional space for grief, honoring loss as a natural part of life. Even in an era when death was far more common, they recognized the healing power of remembrance — something we could stand to embrace more fully today.

Michaels, T. C., and Brenna Michaels. “What Was With Victorian Death Culture?” Southern History, Haunts, & Folklore Journal, Genteel & Bard, 28 Sept. 2022, genteelandbard.com/southern-history-haunts-folklore-journal/2022/9/28/what-was-with-victorian-death-culture. Accessed [08/09/25].

McKenna-Ratjen, Victoria. “Mourning in the Victorian Era and Glenview.” Glenview Historic Home, Hudson River Museum, 13 Nov. 2019, www.hrm.org/mourning-in-the-victorian-era-and-glenview. Accessed [08/09/25].